Light from a Dark Star

So Where Is Yellow Anyway?

2005-03-19T10:11:00.000-05:00

Ah, it's a full week without the kiddies which is always a mixed blessing. While it's good to get some alone time with my kitten, the girls are never far from my mind and I miss them. But, this is the first time we've had alone time since exploring our D/s relationship and so it's going to be a FUN week.

In the next week, you can expect to see some fun pictures. Carrie has already put the word out and tested the water to see if there are any kinky voyeurs out there wanting to see some skin. I already have one photo taken from last night of a rather red, blistered ass. Here's how that one came to be:

Because Carrie has a slight problem managing her time at the old 'puter and getting to bed at a decent hour, I've established a curfew to help her out. She's a night owl and can get caught up with blogging, chatting, and surfing. The problem is that it catches up with her the next day and can affect her work. So, earlier this past week, she sheepishly told me that she has been staying up past her curfew (I'm a morning bird and so when I hit the sheets at 11pm or midnight, I'm out like a light and so this was news to me). I nodded my head and said that we would have to deal with that. And we did the next night where I gave her 10 spanks with the hand and 20 with the belt. I thought that since she came clean with me that I would cut her a little slack.

Then on Thursday night, she came home from work around 11:30pm and was clearly needing some computer time. I knew that she needed to get up and drive the girls to meet my mother two hours away and so needed to be rested. She asked and I gave a curfew of 1pm. This time, I sprawled out on the bed so she would have to move me in order to get in. I woke up and noticed that it was 2pm. Hmmm. I asked her about this yesterday morning when she woke up and she said that she only ran over her curfew by 20 minutes. Well, that's not the point of the curfew and now we had to deal with the same issue twice in the same week. Not good for her.

Here's where it gets interesting. On her way back from dropping the girls off with my mom, she stops by Cracker Barrel. Want to take a guess what she bought? If you said a licorice stick, a candle, or a bumper sticker, you would be incorrect. She brought me the famed paddle and boy does it sting. It's like a new best friend. All night long, she kept trying to plead her way out of her disciplining. Nope, not going to work.

As we were coming home from our nice dinner out, I told her that I was curious as to where yellow (our code word for "hold on") is for her. Tonight would be the night to find out. You can imagine what that got going in her mind and body. So, we got into the house and went straight to the work. This time, it was 20 times with the braided belt and 30 with the paddle (plus 15 extra for putting her hand in the way). Her bottom got red, blistered a bit, bruised a bit more, but here's the thing: I didn't get anywhere near yellow.

So, where is yellow for Carrie? We talked about it later as we lie down for sleep. As I thought about it, I realized that I don't think I can go for yellow in one go at it; instead, I have to keep pushing the boundaries outward slowly. Finding yellow is a process, not an event. I always tell Carrie, "I'm going to hurt you, but I will never harm you." To go at it like it's an event would be coming very close to harming for me. And that's something that I don't want to chance. Our relationship beyond the D/s is too important for me to risk.

Oh, BTW, after I gave her ass a good spanking I gave her ass a good fucking. It was a very good way to celebrate our week without children.

Hi, My Name is CD and I'm a Deadbeat Blogger

2005-03-10T21:20:00.000-05:00

Yes, I admit that I have a bit of a problem. Fortunately, I have a wife and certain friends (you KNOW who you are) who manage to coax, cajole, and berate me back into keeping this blog alive.

What have I been up to all this time, you might ask? Well, looking for gainful employment has been at the top. Happily, I think there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'll start earning a paycheck again soon. And it's work that will nourish not only the bank account, but my own sense of purpose.

Also, I've been trying to keep Carrie happy. I think I've been doing rather well at it lately, too. As Carrie has mentioned, we've added some much needed structure to our D/s relationship and it's been so helpful. On Monday, we sat down and discussed our expectations for each other in the coming week. It's posted on the fridge so we can see it every day.

For my part, I have committed to Carrie that I will give her at least two "good girl" spankings each week. Since she's been sick the past few days, I have some catch-up work to do so tonight was a good girl spanking (and she deserved it too - she did each of the items on her list by mid-afternoon). I know she likes them, but damn, I got to say that I like them too. She came down while I was doing some writing and I told her to get on her knees and wait beside my chair. Then, I put on her much-adored collar. At one point, she was looking at what I was writing and I told her to keep her head and eyes down. She was in this position for about 15 minutes when I produced the short, leather paddle I bought for her for Valentine's Day. I took her to the futon in my office and told her to take her pants down and then I guided her to my lap where she exposed her ass for her reward. I started warming her up with my hand and then went for the paddle. I wasn't giving it to her very hard and toward the end, she was begging me to really give it to her. That was enough to get her to cum. I then fingered her and she came a few more times. When I was finished, I whispered to her that she was a good girl, that she was my queen, and that she was my adored. And for my efforts, she returned the favor with a fantastic blowjob ended with my cum rubbed all over her breasts. God, my wife is the hottest!

So friends, I apologize for being MIA for so long. I'll try to post a little more frequent from now on.

For The Love of Chili and Football (and Kinkiness)

2005-02-06T13:27:00.000-05:00

Yes sports fans, it's Super Bowl Sunday. It can only mean beer, chili, and football. Now, it would be a super Super Bowl if Pittsburgh had managed to not look like total shit two weeks ago. As it is, I'm supporting the wife's team - New England - and that's really okay. Who can't be amazed at the team they put on the field each season? And I'm currently working on my notorious beer chili (its slow-simmering as I write) which is always a treat to cook and eat. Later on, Carrie, the girls (good little football fans) and I will settle in front of the tube and enjoy.

If you're here reading this, more than likely you've already checked out Carrie's most recent post (and if you haven't, let me invite you to do so now). We've had quite a bit of fun this week, which is thankfully a reprieve from the past couple of weeks of unfun. Thanks to advice from my bud B., Carrie and I have adopted more good girl spankings into our week. I gave her one the night before she started her new job as a server at a nice restaurant. I figured it would give her something to think about when a customer was a total shit. She could just think of me spanking her and then fucking her like mad - should replace any negative facial expression with a broad smile.

Now, because she exposed a little naughty secret of mine, she can anticipate a not-so-good girl spanking after the football game and the girls are in bed. I can only wait for valentine's day to roll around so I can adminster a proper disciplinary spanking. More on that later on...

The Reality of Living D/S ... (My Take)

2005-01-23T09:39:00.001-05:00

Carrie has posted a thoughtful and heartfelt entry on what's been going on with us this past week. We have indeed been having some challenges with the DD lifestyle. I'd like to offer a companion entry to hers as a way of letting some of my inner issues loose. If you haven't read her post, please do. We both could use any advise you might have.

This past week has been difficult for me. I've been consumed by a swirling mixture of emotions - both ups and downs. Mostly, they have to do with my work situation. Right now, I'm out of work and in the midst of a job search. I'm trying to make the leap from one profession (which I sort of fell into when I graduated from college) to another profession that I strongly feel is much closer to my true purpose in life. This path has not been without it's difficulties, but I think I'm very close to landing work that would be far above anything I could ever imagine in terms of the people and opportunities that would surround me. It's incredibly exciting and incredibly terrifying all at once.

Why am I talking about this? Because as Carrie talks about a limbo between us and the DD lifestyle, I'm in a state of limbo over this opportunity. My external world is in flux. I don't know whether I should continue looking for work or find a temp job or patiently anticipate the exciting career that's possibly in front of me. I have the responsibility of providing financially for the family and right now I'm not doing that. I'm doing the best I can to continue to provide emotionally for Carrie and the girls. By Carrie's post, I'm sort of doing okay with that. I'm trying to be playful with the girls. I'm trying to be conscious of Carrie's needs. But my libido (which is usually in great form) is real low right now. I try to make up for it by cuddling in the evenings. Yet, Carrie needs more and I want to provide. Guess I'm driven by the idea of man, husband, father as provider. This is my model that's been passed to my by my own dad.

I'm not a TRUE Dom down to my core. If Carrie hadn't come out as a sub, I wouldn't have known about any of this. But through Carrie, I have come to find that I love being the Dom sexually. It fulfills my fantasies and our sexlife has risen to a whole new level of passion and excitement as a result. Being this way during sex feels so right. Yet, the Dom in the DD doesn't always feel so right. There are times like these where honestly it's the last thing on my mind. But that leaves Carrie in limbo, and whether I like it or not, is unfair to her.

You know, maybe its the catharsis of getting this out there, but I've come to an interesting idea that hadn't come to mind before. I have allowed the ambiguity of "outside the house" to invade what's "inside the house." I have a choice here. Rather than let everything in my life swirl around me like I'm in a vortex, I'm choosing to grab what's already solid and hold on to it. My wife and girls and our relationships - these things are solid. Maybe its time to recommit myself to being the Dom, to fully loving my wife, to having faith and knowing that no matter what happens out there, I have all that I need right here at home.

Wow. I'm coming back. If you've made it this far, thanks for listening. And if you've been through this experience before, PLEASE leave a comment for either Carrie or myself. It's always good to have some advice from folks who've navigated through these issues before.

The End Of Granny Panties

2005-01-11T16:09:00.001-05:00

I have to say one thing about the DD D/s lifestyle: it's finally convinced my dear wife that she's too young and hot to be wearing granny panties and granny gowns. Ladies, I don't care how old you are, please do not subject your husband to the libido-killing granny duo. For those of you unsure what I'm talking about, granny panties are the underwear that come up about 3 inches above the waist and granny gowns - the official sleepwear of the Puritan woman - have high necks, long sleeves, and cover the feet.

Now, my Carrie wears sporty, spunky, and cute sleepshorts and t-shirts. And when she comes downstairs wearing these and has her hair in pigtails, I know it's time to get it on. HOT SEX all thanks to a little lifestyle shift!

Joys of Hotel Fornication

2005-01-09T15:30:00.001-05:00

Okay, okay...guess its time to shake the rust off. You can settle down Claire, here it comes.

As some may know, Carrie, the kiddies, and I went out west to the Rockies to visit relatives after Christmas. Took a train to a resort town and enjoyed some good ole R&R (even time with the in-laws was fairly enjoyable). Carrie and I had a small hotel suite where we had the bedroom and the girls slept on a pullout sofabed in the common room. It was a nice setup and offered us consenting adults a little privacy. The first full day we were there, we were hot and flirty with each other all day. It was hard to keep my hands off her body (though, you don't want to get caught feeling up your wife in front of her father regardless of how long you've been married).

We made a special effort to get the girls in bed early that night. Pretty easy as both were tired. I did my evening storytelling with them and left Carrie to do the tuck-in. It was Wednesday so I turned on the bedroom TV to watch CSI:NY. A few minutes later, Carrie made her way into the bedroom and by look in her eyes, I could tell she was ready for some rough loving. She immediately slips into bed and starts to stroke me but I push her hand away and tell her she has to wait. Oooohh, she didn't expect that. She looks at me with the combination of lust, frustration, and disappointment. I smile and tell her that she can wait for 45 minutes, that it won't kill her, that she'll get more than she could ever expect. That got the appropriate response. So, for the next 45 minutes I tease her, rubbing her clit, fingering her to the point of nearly orgasming only to stop short. As you can imagine, I have her begging from my hand. As they roll the final credits, I peer to my left to see her giving me the look that drives me wild. Its mostly her eyes, but she also bits her lip...just what I love to see. Its the look that says that she is my slut and will do anything I say.

Turns out to be some of the most incredible sex we've had, which puts it in some rather lofty company. I had her stride me for most of the session. There's just something about being on the bottom. I get a full view of her beautiful torso and face, get to fondle, twist, and pinch her breasts, get to stroke her clit as she rides me. It was on this last action that she had one of the hardest and longest orgasms I remember. There was a torrent of her warm juice cascading over my balls, between my ass, and down my legs. While it is common for her to cum, she's never cum like that. She's taken to finishing me with a blowjob and my own orgasm was nearly as strong. She swallowed and then licked me clean. When we're finished, we both lay naked next to each other, completely spent and fall asleep.

Hope that satisfies you all as much as it did for us.

On Pleasure and Pain

2004-12-21T18:23:00.001-05:00

Unless my own personal muse (aka, naughtly slut for a wife) inspires me, I probably won't be able to get to posting another entry before the end of the year. So, happy new year to all and may your 2005 be full of passionate self-discovery.

These past few days have been a mixture of pleasure and pain. Some of it I have delivered, some of it I have received.

Pleasure. My beloved Steelers won once again. They continue to find stiff opposition from their opponents, but different than in years past, they are finding ways to win games. Finally a defense and running game that makes all of us who bleed black and gold proud.

Pain. I expected to hear about a job offer by Friday. I'm in the hunt for a new job after taking a few months to try some new things. But, after a pretty good initial phone interview, I really expected to get a request to come in for a formal first interview.

Pleasure and Pain. I gave my Carrie one hell of a night of sex involving spankings, blindfolding, and ropes. I had been feeling pissed off for most of the day and I kept telling her that she was deserving of punishment. I kept teasing her all day, letting her imagination go to work. I whispered in her ear that she was a naughtly bitch and needed to be disciplined. Eventually, the kids are in bed, and I beckon her with a finger to follow me downstairs where I have set up ropes to a futon frame. I order her to undress and tell her to lie down on the fully laid out futon where I begin to tie her hands together. I then put the blindfold on. Finally, I get to tie up her feet. When I finish, I put my mouth to her ear and whisper that she needs time to fully consider how bad she has been, what a bratty little slut she is. I tell her that its going to hurt like hell and then leave her for about 10 minutes to consider what's coming for her. I return with a wooden spatula and begin warming her up with this, alternating at times with my hand. She's crying to me about how it hurts and I continue to turn her ass from pink to red. After few minutes, I leave her and return with her vibrator. All of a sudden, she feels this large cock vibrating inside her and I begin to spank with my hand and plunge the shaft in and out. She's writhing and cumming and screaming for more. Eventually, I pull the vibrator out and replace it with my own shaft and we fuck for some time. After satisfying her, I need a break and pull out. She reaches down, strokes my cock, and then takes it in her mouth. She's become quite an artist of blow jobs. I used to be unsure whether she enjoyed it, but now she clearly loves oral sex. After we're finished, we cuddle naked under a blanket to watch the New England Patriots play Monday Night football.

More Pleasure. The Patriots lose which gives my beloved Steelers a bigger cushion for home field advantage in the playoffs. Folks who know the Steelers know that home field doesn't secure anything, but at least it offers a bye week and a better first round opponent. Carrie is a big Pats fan, which does sort of suck. Oh well. Sorry, honey.

Pain. I know just enough about computers to make me dangerous. I know even less about networks so I tried to adjust our wireless router so that the connection is secure. Yes, we'd been having unprotected internet access. Unfortunately, I don't really know how to put on the damn network condom. So, I tried to secure it and discovered that I screwed up Carrie's internet connection. Then, I noticed that my laptop connection was as slow as if I was using a dial-up. So, I tweaked it a little more. The only thing I managed to accomplish was to kill my own connection. So, no access for us for most of the day while I fussed and fumed about how nothing can be easy. I finally said, FUCK IT and went unsecure again. After most of the day, I managed to get both of us up and running. If you figure out where we live, guess you'll find some free access to the internet (haven't been dumb enough to network the computers together). So, there painful and stupid all at the same time.

Pleasure. Just knowing that Christmas is a few days away. The girls are excited which always makes it better.

To all, happy holidays and here's hoping that Santa brings a switch to all the naughty little gals out there. For us guys, here's hoping that he brings a new big screen lcd TV or something nice like that.

Let's Get It Started...

2004-12-16T21:42:00.001-05:00

After encouragement from the wife and her dear blogreaders, here we go...

After a couple of months trying to figure out my wife's particular kink toward being a spanko, I've come to discover that I not only like it, I crave it. I can't look at her ass anymore without thinking that it could use a spanking. See, I've always had sexual fetishes of my own, but denied them - they're not for good guys. Man, who was I kidding...I was never a "good" guy. Sure, wonderful, caring husband, father, brother, etc., etc. But deep down, I always wanted control, I wanted sexual dominance. I wanted a woman to know that I was going to have my way with her. And then, my dear wife Carrie gave me the best gift of all: she came out and admitted that she wanted me to spank her, to dominate her.

At first, it seemed to go against my very understanding of equality. We were partners. I wasn't going to tell her what to do and when to do it. And spanking? Okay, I can do that (maybe). And it wasn't always an easy journey to here. I figured that she could tell me what I needed to know about the "taken in hand" lifestyle and I wouldn't really have to invest much. Besides, this was her kink, right? What I didn't realize was that my own self-absorption and lack of desire to meet her halfway was tearing her apart. So, it hit me that I better make a commitment one way or the other. My deep love for her made the choice easy: do my own work and find out if I'm truly a dom.

Guess what? I am. Who knew? Well, she probably did going all the way back to our college days. And I haven't ever felt this empowered as a man. And we absolutely never had sex as good as this. We used to go at it maybe once a week; now, its more like every other day. And its not like great sex one day with a so-so experience the next. Keeps staying hot, hot, hot.

Best part of all is the community of like-minded folks. Carrie's friends (and you know who you are) kept her going, kept reminding her of her beauty, kept her coming at me. And all I can say is...thank you. So, let's get it started.